9 Days in Egypt

埃及艳照新鲜出炉。怀着无比兴奋的心情去，又怀着无比激动的心情回。走马观花的鉴赏了无数的壁画，神庙，浩瀚的沙漠和尼罗河绰绰风姿。但直到今天，耳边却还萦绕着小贩“One dollar”的叫卖声，沙漠露营篝火晚会的鼓声，镜头进沙的吱吱声，还有Hany的那句“你们会想念我的”。历历在目的，却是路边无数的流浪猫和烂尾楼，无处不在的AK47旅游警察，阿拉伯的数字（正宗），和四个蒙面女侠飒爽的英姿。9天的回忆很丰富，心里面默念：我还要出去玩！

Cairo也可以称为雾都了，细沙+薄雾，能见度也只有2、30米；

传说中的萨拉丁城堡没进去很遗憾，留给下次吧；

开罗的司机开车真的很猛，这才叫见缝插针；虽然车很破，但司机叔叔很负责；

开罗旅社的“海鸥面包”大家都很爱；楼下5块钱一个的Kebab汉堡超美味；

地铁女车厢进了2次，第一次抱头第二站冲出，第二次自投罗网用毛巾蒙头做了坏人，感觉比进女厕紧张；

“How old are you？”“Yes~~Yes”；

沙漠Safari处处都是Surprise，头顶探照灯，吃到了最美味的炭烧鸡；虽然语言不通，但心里面很感激开吉普的阿拉伯F4大哥们；

中国人应该更加友好一些，对外国人也好，对本地人也好，Letting our guards down a little bit；

发烧睡在Luxor超不爽的旅店床上度过了2010年的新年；不过很感谢大家的关照，特别是Alva悉心的照顾，让偶第二天就退出了“小废废”的行列；

Luxor Bob Marley hostel is dirty; its owner was always trying to pass the buck to the travelers when something goes wrong, even yelled to us; we felt unsafe staying there;

法语的声光Show和阿斯旺High Dam花了点冤枉钱；

最后大家都放弃了砍价（狂砍）；

Aswan的国际机场只有我们5个人check-in；

“One dollar, one dollar”，“1 for 5 dollar，no？5 for 1 dollar”，“哈比比”，“呀啦呀啦”；

废片超级多；

埃及人很友好，虽然难免会瞄着你的钱袋 :-)

据说，I'm a lucky man；

想念Hany同学；舍命带我们去萨拉丁城堡的司机；沙漠中的阿拉伯F4和韩国志愿者Jin；Luxor的导游老爹，happy new year；开到Aswan的司机可爱的默罕默德同学（police man, rubbish, money money money）；

Susu很可爱，而且这次有了个新名字——“天线宝宝”；

偶像很能干，又能计划，又能砍价，又能辩论，套Alva的话“我们都叫她偶像”；

美丽的公帐引力极大，引无数埃人尽骆驼（可惜没能打折啊），而且是最后一个“挂掉”；

Alva同学尽显“小废废”本色，不过一直在照顾我，真的很感动；

最后，一定不辜负大家的希望，早日跪拜大神。

另友情TK链接同去两位女侠的picasa:
http://picasaweb.google.com/chensu0714
http://picasaweb.google.com/vickiwang810

Laptop build-in camera distortion problem

If you ever used laptop build-in camera for video conferencing, you will probably notice that your face is a bit distorted and not as pretty as the one inside a mirror. Actually, the same distortion happens for almost any cameras when the subject -- your face positions too close to them. For web cameras, wide-angle lens is used to jam in more environment, your face turns out to be even more funny.

Now that not everyone likes this distortion, and maybe it's an interesting application to flatten it. Assuming computation complexity is not a problem, it is possible to adjust each frame of image to de-distort it according to camera model and parameters before generating the video stream. An even more interesting approach is to build an accurate 3D model of your face, and dynamically manipulate it according to your facial expressions (while leaving less distorted, less important back ground as is). You can ask the software to pre-build your face model (not including hair of course) from several pictures of different angle. Or using a multi camera system, i.g., 3, from the left, center, and right side, to build it dynamically. This link shows a similar application using a single face picture. It's for fun, but surely shows the possibilities.

Mystery of life - INFJ

Starting job hunting recently, I realize it's really important to know myself better and identify a suitable career path I'm comfortable and passionate about. The first step, analyzing my personality -- resulted in the most rare INFJ (Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging) type, which is codenamed "idealist". Some quotations of this type are pasted below. I've already chosen the most suitable cuts, but still it turns out to be long. I'll try to highlight the central phrases or sentences describing what I am :-)

INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are usually gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and they don't believe in compromising their ideals.

They are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

Most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear outgoing and genuinely interested in people. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates."

They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it （欣慰啊）. Uncanny gifted, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil.

They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology.

Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement. (我最喜欢的句子，有前途啊，小伙 :-D)

INFJs generally have the following traits:
* Intuitively understand people and situations
* Idealistic
* Highly principled
* Complex and deep
* Natural leaders
* Sensitive and compassionate towards people
* Service-oriented
* Future-oriented
* Value deep, authentic relationships
* Reserved about expressing their true selves
* Dislike dealing with details unless they enhance or promote their vision
* Constantly seeking meaning and purpose in everything
* Creative and visionary
* Work logically and rationally
* Usually have good communication skills, especially written
* Take their commitments very seriously
* Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)
* Good listeners

Weakness:
* Tendency to hold back part of themselves
* Not good with money or practical day-to-day life necessities （怪不得INFJ薪资低，好在I don't really care...）
* Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism

I now have a clearer mind of the type of place I can be really happy to work for, which holds a larger vision and moral goal (to transform IT technology to everyday life convenience) rather than merely "making money", has good public image, encourages and values personal contribution, provides certain degree of independence. Seeking...

As a friend, I encourage you to take the test at http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp and follow this link http://www.personalitypage.com/home.html to find a comprehensive description of your personality type, both to know yourself and let others know you better.

One's personality can change over time, either due to the past experience or personal effort for a more preferable one. However, the one we posses now holds explanations to a lot of whys, and help us to understand, accept and proud of what we are. It's a sound and good starting base for future directions of our personal development.

Poor students in SoC

The whole school of computing has just moved to a new site. Despite of some small inconveniences of the new location (such as transportation, freezing and irregularly shaped office, no cellphone signal coverage, etc), one rule has been posed in every research lab - "NO FOOD OR DRINK ALLOWED". This is because instead of using plastic floor, light colored carpet is now covering every inch of the lab turf. I'm not sure whether the policy maker has also noticed the fact that, dark muddy footprints are already everywhere during the raining season, if so, maybe we will be informed to use our bare feet. On the contrary, I have never seen any food spread or drink spilling in the old lab. But ok then, Singapore has had plenty of places not allowing food/drinks (bus, mrt), just plus one place we're working for more than 8 hours per day, there is no big deal, really. This is not the end, though.

A few days ago, the head of the department disseminated an email clarifying this new policy, he said, he wants to use it to push students to the pantry where they can eat/drink and at the same time talk about their research with one another more. That is good. However, when we headed to the pantry, we all stuck at the entrance:

What happened to google search?

Google search is acting really weired recently. First off, my homepage disappeared from the search results by using keywords "Pan Yu homepage" (without the quote marks), which used to be the second results on the first page, but now totally disappeared (I haven't found within the first 10+ pages). Instead, lots of other web pages which neither contain consecutive "Pan Yu" nor are homepages of any sort are listed. At the beginning, I was wondering whether this is caused by the "personalized search" just launched, though I don't remember enabling it. I logged out my google account, searched again, nothing changed. Then I asked my labmate Edward to try the same thing for his homepage. This time, more counter-intuitive thing happened. When he typed "edward sim", his homepage appeared at the end of the first result page, however, trying "edward sim homepage" returned irrelevant stuff as what happened to me.

I know google has integrated news results to the normal search results a moment ago, but apparently what listed for our homepage search are not news. Google is acquiring a lot of companies and participating lots of other services outside the search world. While it used to move cautiously, it is more aggressive nowadays. I'm a little worried about google because it used to be based on pure technologies and people are really admire the objectiveness and spirit behind this. Growing into an empire that dominate the web may not be bad, since a lot of innovations and good services really benefit everybody and change the world. But except all those services and the so called google operating system, I really hope the heart of google can always be the same, being dependable and reliable, moving solid moves.

Tips

Do not try to compile a large program not compatible with your current version of gcc, instead, compile a version of gcc compatible with the program, and then use the gcc to compile it. (however, newest gcc does not even compile the old versions. In this case, compile a not-that-old version which compiles the old version to compile the old version. What a mess!)

Directional magnetic recharging

Daydreaming in the restroom just now, I was thinking how wonderful this world has become because of the discovery of electrocity. Electrical power captivated inside small batteries enables countless portable and handy applications, yet charging batteries frequently is really a headache and more and more becomes a bottleneck for all portable devices. I was wondering if there is any way to make recharging easier... here comes the idea. As we all know, electric power and magnetic power are interchangable. While electrocity conduction usually needs solid/liquid media like copper wire, the conduction of magnetic power can be done in the thin air. According to this simple fact, one can construct a pair of transmitter-reciever devices to transmit power from the power grid to charge the consumer device. The transmitter connected to the power grid convert electric power into a highly directional and focused magnetic beam, and the reciever obsorbs the magnetic beam entirely and convert it back to e-power to charge the device battery. Apparently one prerequisit needs to be kept: there mustn't be any living obstacles between the transimitter and reciever, to avoid harmful effects due to human body exposed to strong magnetic field.

Imagine a fuel free country with wirelessly rechargable transportations. Think of recharging recharging ur laptop on a bus, in ur car, etc. How amazing things would be.

Problems

The number of ways of solving problems are far greater than the number of existing problems.

A new Shanghai

在新加坡到上海的飞机上阅览报纸，看到新加坡正在评估投票sentosa的几个开发方案，无论采用哪个方案，sentosa都会在2、3年之后变成一个完全不一样的地区性的旅游度假胜地。变化和发展令人兴奋，光是在脑袋里面憧憬一番都感到迫不及待了。在另外一份飞机上的杂志上面，看到了新建成的上海南客站的文章，一张色彩鲜艳的夜景图中南客站现代式的建筑和前面宽阔的绿地通道让人眼前一亮，几年前上海人还把北客站称作“新客站”，不知道南客站会咋叫呢？

其实首先让我感觉到变化的是东航的服务。和Thai，Silkair，UA，BA，AirItaly，还有以前的东航相比，现在东航的空中服务让人有一种由内向外的愉悦感。通常的空中小姐/先生们面带一种可以称之为“刹那间的微笑”，在面向旅客的时候发生，转开时消失，很Cool哦。这次东航的感觉却让人真正的觉得亲切，空中小姐经常和旅客交流，甚至闲聊，让人觉得她们喜欢自己的工作，而非仅仅当作是一些routing job。客舱广播里面经常会说一句话 “if you need anything, plz don't hesitate to call us, we are very glad to serve you”，一个“don't hesitate”，便可以让旅客们的心情放松下来，即使长途旅行的滋味不好受，也可以把旅途当成享受了。

空闲的19号去了3个地方，南站，莱弗士广场和复旦。南站当然已经不是过去老火车站那样拥挤杂乱的景象了，3层立体的设计和宽大的空间让站内变得井然有序，已经是一个很舒适的地方了。印象最深的是各处的方向指示牌，想当年我对新加坡机场（世界上最好的机场之一）最推崇的一点就是指示牌得清晰和全面性，现在在南站也看到了。指示牌方便体贴的价值远远超过了其设计和安放所需要的成本和空间，好的指示牌也能够给人好的服务的印象的。南站外面的空间并没有想象中的那么大，旁边的高架路也限制了视野，而且铁轨也没有像美国一些大城市火车站那样设置在地下，让人稍微有点失望。

复旦的变化就太大了。整条邯郸路扩宽了一倍不止，西门的位置变到了行政楼那里，标志性大楼虽然在照片上面看过，不过在整个校园平坦的地势上未免显得太过于突兀了。以前曾经的老宿舍8号楼经过翻新以后已然成了研究生院，曾经的美味天堂臭水沟和四合院已经不复存在。从国定路口到五角场的一段已经变成了宽阔的马路，两旁的小店都变成人行道了。轻专的地盘变成了占地面积巨大的新闻学院，再里面一些地方也在修建新的建筑，这样的浩大工程，让人惊喜，同时也疑惑到：真的需要那样大的地方么？五角场也面目全非了，以前卖盗版运动鞋，盗版光盘和那些廉价的小饭馆，现在都到什么地方去了呢？

回程去浦东机场的路上去坐磁悬浮列车，1分钟加速到200公里时速的时候，已经觉得是在飞驰了，直到431全速，完全看不清外面的世界了。一直盯着窗外看，突然间听到“嘣”的一声，空气的震动透过车窗的玻璃弹到脸上，另外一条轨道上面相向而行的列车只一闪便消失了，车内一群老外惊叫而后欢呼，他们一定在想 “上海怎么TMD这么牛X啊？”。

机场安检和duty free区，2次小姐上来就和我说一大串日文，还说的特标准，搞得我乱死了，居然用英文回答他们说我不是日本人，之后她们又开始说英文。。。事后我决定以后先用英文问她们会不会说韩语，等她们说完之后我再说我是中东的，只是想测试下她们的外语，然后要求他们说以色列语……

对于我这个阔别上海之有3年的人来说，这个城市已经变得有点Ve宁得了。以前的人说“雕栏玉器应犹在，只是朱颜改”，没想到现在我的朱颜还没怎么改，雕栏玉器就byebye了。这个世界，已经如此dynamic，如此的不同了。

DJ's Wedding & All about FRIENDS

DJ是我大学时候的班长，我的好友。我们的友谊并没有建立在频繁的来往之上，甚至可以说我们生活在截然不同的两种状态中，不过却是真正关心对方的朋友。DJ的婚礼其实在一年多以前就已经差不多定下来了，当时我对自己毕业的问题还比较乐观，所以答应一定去参加。一年之后，前段时间自己心神不宁，便开始犹豫到底能不能去，家里也希望我早点写完论文，叫我邮寄礼物就可以了。时近10月，强烈的思想斗争变成了一个晚上DJ的托梦，第二天挂上Offline已久的MSN，竟然发现DJ的nick改成了“请潘宇同学和我联系”。看到这个nick的时候，险些牛下了眼内，如果不能去参加最好的朋友的婚礼，不敢想象自己会错过了什么。

15号昆明到新加坡，18号晚上10点多到上海，DJ开着他的新买的“别摸我”来接我，just like old times。20号的婚礼上，我意外的接到了小余（DJ太太）的大花球，原来是他们要我6个月之内“搞定”，多么艰巨的任务啊。

18号晚上住到伟哥家，豪华的单身公寓，免费无线网络连接，无限酒水，不过呢，就是乱了点，还要和伟哥挤一张1.5人床，献出我的第X次同性同床。半夜1点多问伟哥借照相机，他说，没有，之后紧接着说，要不我明天去买一个，我吐血；然后他说，要不你去买，我报销，我说没带钱，他说我现在下去取，我又吐血；后来第二天早上他9点多签证办完回来，我们果然去徐家汇买了个照相机（T10），之后就交给我进行长达2天的专业试机了。

19号晚上我们4个室友到淮海路晚餐，阿杰研究生刚毕业一年，虽然在一家大的半导体公司工作，不过还是和以前一样文静。室友当中，阿杰是和我性格最接近的，也是我曾经希望成为推心置腹的好朋友的人，不过事实证明2个人都内向，要做到这点还是比较困难，当然我们都知道，默默的，we care about each other。后来突然想起以前常常在一起happy的师兄“大头”，ZZ立马打了电话给他，叫他出来玩。电话通了，ZZ突然啊了一声，说大头在温州，之后又啊了一声，说他晚上晚点过来。当时已经将近8点，温州坐车到上海至少7、8个钟头，我们说他难道要坐飞机过来？到10点多我们跑到新天地喝60块钱一杯的矿泉水（其实没有喝这个，喝了70块的长岛冰茶-_-b）的时候，大头打电话来说他已经到浦东机场了。12点钟在旁边小店里面吃小龙虾的时候，终于等到了3年未见面的大头，头好像比以前更大了…… DJ在大头前面也加入了我们，6个人围坐在一桌，街边的小店2楼站起来顶到头的小阁楼里面，仿佛一切又回到了4年前大学的快乐时光。纵使如今他们已经在社会和事业上有了不小的发展和变化，而我还生活在宁静的校园，but something is always the same。

20号DJ的婚礼终于圆满完成了，客人都告辞之后，DJ环视了一下刚才还热闹的宴席厅，说道，“留到最后的都是同学”，后来在准“洞房”里面对他们的爸爸妈妈们说“这些都是我最好的朋友”。

告辞之前DJ和小余的爸爸妈妈都感谢我来参加他们的婚礼，我在长辈面前不善言辞，只是说我们是好朋友。其实，他们才是我需要感谢的人，感谢DJ托梦给我，感谢他在网上找我，让我体会到FRIENDS这个词的意义，让我看到和分享到，friends们的快乐。

Curiosity, Screwing up and Detachment

就像Matrix reloaded里Oracle所说：Everything that has a beginning has an end。在与WoW接触的一年半时间里，自己为这个虚拟的世界放弃和失去了很多，甚至几度消沉和绝望。在一种放下与不放之间反复挣扎，快乐着却不能彻底的快乐，堕落着却又不能彻底的堕落。现实中自己内心多年以来积累的大量的问题，被这个迷人的世界彻彻底底的引发了，暴露了出来，借助这个似乎与世隔绝的世界冲淡，逃避和暂时的消解这些顽固的负面情绪。从前高中的时候很疑惑自己究竟想要什么，那时的优秀并没有让心灵有一种平静的感觉，一直缺失的东西常常让自己怀疑所谓的“优秀”的意义；也常在想，如果有一天我搞砸了，会是怎样？事隔7、8年之后，我真的把事情搞砸了，从不怎么砸，到真的很砸。似乎在我的潜意识中，就是想要把自己彻底的否定，看看到底能够坏到什么程度。所以，在焦虑，恐惧的同时，还带有一些不在乎。逐渐的，终于把自己的工作，我和周围的几乎所有人的关系，搞得一团糟，甚至包括小艳和父母。现在的我，或许已经到了有些走投无路的地步了，也终于经历到了“搞砸了”的滋味，经历着人生中最消沉的时期。于是，也实现了多年以前的一个设想，就是现在这个样子:-)。这是一种很怪异的矛盾心理：去尝试全新的经历，即使是一种痛苦的极力避免经历。当然，现在这个样子并不是我想要的生活，所以我必须离开现在的这种状态。

Morrie说: Detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the Contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it. 我想，正是由于从前没有经历过失败和消沉，却又好奇这种经历，所以自己才会冒险，甚至放手去让事情搞砸。在彻底的经历这段时间的消沉之后，虽然很多问题仍然没有答案，却可以感受到一个不同于以往的自己。还会让事情搞砸么？也许会，在不可避免的时候，不过不会故意去这样做了，因为我已经明白会发生什么，不再为这个而“好奇”了。是的，this thing is ended, and I'm glad I can finally detach from it.

Jeff Zhang

高中一次回家的路上和王英萍聊到流行歌，她对张信哲和张宇推崇之极。当时我只知道小虎队、范晓萱和Michael Jackson，对于纯粹卿卿我我，或者说比较露骨的情歌带有抵触情绪，像齐秦、周华健还有四大天王什么的统统不屑一顾。所以对于当时刚刚唱《雨一直下》的惺惺作态的张宇压根没有兴趣，甚至在心里面暗想：“我靠，怎么女生会喜欢这种歌手？”。不过对于张信哲，我却想起来家里面居然有一盘现成的随手从小二哥哥那里借来好几个月但是却从来没有听过的张信哲磁带《拥有》 ，翻出来，看到了《爱如潮水》，似乎在街边路过音像店的时候听到过，这才把张信哲和他的声音联系起来。不论歌词如何，《爱如潮水》悠扬的配乐加上张信哲含蓄圆润的声音演绎的带有一些悲情色彩“我再也不愿……”的高潮部分，在之前的某个时候我就隐隐约约的有些喜欢了。带着“终于找到了”（其实也没有刻意地去找）的窃喜，或者说是先入为主的好感，阿哲的歌声走入了俺的生活。

阿哲的歌虽然90%是不折不扣的情歌，歌词里面也不少“爱”字，不过阿哲的爱充满了温柔的伤感，含蓄而不张扬，笑脸中带着忧郁，这和青春期少年对爱情朦胧青涩的认识不谋而合。几首歌当中宁愿自己受苦，却强颜欢笑放飞祝福所爱的人的心情，和折磨人的单相思有着相似的意境。我不得不承认，自己性格当中的软弱和忧郁，很多是来自阿哲的这些温柔的折磨人的情歌。下面写几首印象最深的歌和MTV。（to be added: 《有了爱》，《我最爱的女人》，《我是真的》，《临别一眼》）。



刚才看到鲁豫和阿哲的“座谈”，谈到他如何成为一个歌手的历史。阿哲其实早先并没有想过自己会成为歌手，在唱诗班合唱团也只是觉得自己音乐方面“还不错”，而且直到大二的时候签约进入唱片公司以后，有很长时间（一年半）都是在打杂跑腿，完全是当作“勤工俭学”，还因为有了一份额外的收入感到“还不错”。89年的时候才有机会和潘越云合唱他的第一首歌（他说到录音的时候他爸去了，结果搞得他很尴尬，因为当着父亲唱情歌）。听到这些，才明白原来阿哲靠的是这样一种踏踏实实的态度才有了后来事业的成功。“情歌王子”说话常常也会不好意思地低头笑笑，回答问题的时候很认真，让你觉得他是你的朋友。他是一个平平常常的人，不过因为这个，他却不平常。

About my past, about 贾老师

贾老师曾经常挂在嘴边的一句话就是"将心比心"。很多自己不能一下子接受或者理解的事情，在设身处地的考虑的时候就会变得自然而然。贾老师非常懂得而且教育学生懂得尊重每一个人，她常说"大人有大人的自尊心，小孩也有小孩的自尊心"。她还教导我们对待他人要一视同仁，无论他曾经的表现如何。尽管我是那时是她班上最好的学生之一，但在犯错的时候，仍然被请过家长，罚过站。我也曾经不理解她的做法，曾经对她对我的惩罚而痛恨她，因为那时的我，甚至刚刚的我并不理解为什么她那么喜欢我却让我受罚。现在想来，她一直都是用一种严厉的爱来告诉告诉我们她的真理。

贾老师总是在班上说我们班的孩子"太纯了"，回想起来她也总是在我们面前说我们的好，而很少像其他有的老师那样说"看看某某班的某某"多出色之类的话。我们并不知道多少有关于"激烈的竞争"的说法，但每次考试或者是竞赛，我们班都有不错的结果，平均成绩也是比较好的。虽然有的时候贾老师也会抱怨一些同年级其他班主任的做法和不公平，但学生们也因此而知道自己是幸运的。班上一直实行著名的"一帮一，一对红"的做法，学习好的学生和学习不大好的学生坐在一起，我乐意帮助别人的性格就是那个时候培养起来的。六年的小学时光，我们生活在友爱的花园里面。而到了现在，自己很多理想化的想法和渴望单纯的性格仍然没有太大的变化。这种性格可能给自己带来很多的失望和压力，但是我相信简单且单纯的想法是我原来成功的一大因素，因为它能明确的告诉你哪些事情是对的，哪些是"the right things to do"。

Doing a presentation

我喜欢做轻松的presentation，所以即使内容technical，开头和中间都要说些“题外话”，对一些简单的但听众不一定懂得的概念会介绍一下。不过这并不是这里要求的风格，虽然我过有几次自认为成功的presentation，而且学生听众的反应不错，但老板（们）却并不喜欢。他们更喜欢professional的presentation，而做到professional而又不乏味似乎只有我老板一个人；我做不到这一点，尝试去做，也会在准备的时候就失掉了兴趣。


昨天在系里面作为volunteer做了个15分钟的中国大学生生活映像的讲话。整个slides20多页全是照片，包括了google earth的卫星图，上海，和复旦的各方面。从主持的vice dean的反映来看，讲话还是满成功的，因为他每次都把复旦放在第一个说:D。四个presenter，2个SoC的，2个Science的，SoC的讲话自然有趣，Science的比较紧张。感叹一下，SoC的学生，从进入SoC以来大大小小的presentation，以及Conference上面的讲话中得到了不少锻炼，再加上IT竞争的激烈，综合能力会有小小的不一样，呵。

总之，记录最近难得的一次快乐心情。

About Dr. Tanveer Raza

昨天接到Raza的电话，说他已经拿到博士学位了，准备30号回孟加拉。他邀请我星期天去日内瓦，说只是个小城，一天足够逛逛了。因为电话声音质量不好，所以没有听清楚他这次回国后还会不会再返回瑞士工作。如果这次真是“一去不复返”，那下次再见就真的是遥遥无期了。(I recieved a phone call yesterday from Raza, telling me that he has got his Doctor's degree and would go back to Bangladesh on 30th this month. He invited me to Geneva, and said it is a small city, one day is enough to go around. Due to the poor voice quaility thru the telephone line, I didn't hear clearly whether he would come back and work in Swiss after the trip home. But if he would not, the next time we meet may be really long after.)

Raza 是我到新加坡以后第一个认识的非本地人。当时是注册的第一天，在University Hall里面填交材料的长队里面，他排在我前面，好像是我问他或是他问我借笔，就说了几句，他学医，给人的感觉很温和。后来下午新生 orientation在一楼等车，我和林丹都去little India，后来看到Raza也在就很搞笑的拉他一起去了（说搞笑是因为他本身是孟加拉人，对印度的了解其实一点不比印度人自己要少）。我当时听说他正在找房子，就很自然的说，如果他找房子有困难的话，就搬过来和我住一起。这句话他后来经常提起，一句关心的话，成了我们以后关系的基础。当时 在little India的一家香料店里面问他是什么地方的人，他说：Bangladesh，我们几个中国人竟然都听不懂，后来吃完饭又经过了几家店，我突然想到孟加拉，问他是不 是有孟加拉老虎，他说是，才恍然大悟。记得在经过一个观音庙之前，我在揶揄他叫他多运动，因为他的肚子比我的3个都大:-D。我也不清楚为什么记得这些细节，甚至发生的地点，初到新加坡的记忆，永远都很清晰。(Raza is the first non-local friend I made after coming to Singapore. It was the first day of the new students' registration, he stood just next to me in the long queue submitting registration documents in the university hall. We started talking to each other after a pen-borrowing transaction. He was studying medicine, gentle and warm to people. In the Orientation later in the afternoon, Lin Dan and I decided to go to Little India. Raza was also there, and we requested him to go with us (we knew later he's Bangladeshi, and he doesn't seem to lack knowledge about India at all). He told us he was looking for a room, I responded, if he had difficulties, just come to mine and stay with me. He mentioned about these words many times later, a few warm words, built a ground of our long term relationship afterwards. Wandering around little india, we asked where he is from. "Bangladesh", supprisingly none of us a few Chinese got which country it is. After lunch, passing by a few more Indian spice shops, "Meng Jia La" suddenly flashed thru my head. I asked him whether they have Bangladeshi tiger? Yes, he replied. Bingo, I'm a genius. In front of a Chinese temple, I joked and asked him to do more excercises, coz his abdomen easily tripled mine :-D. I don't know how I could remember these in so much detail, even where a word was spoken/told. The memory of being fresh in Singapore is always crystal clear.)

其实我们的交往次数并不是很多，大有一种君子之交淡如水的感觉。我和他谈起我的女朋友，他说他30岁了，还没有女朋友呢。他常回家看望父母，让他们看他和我的照片。他请我和林丹到Jurong Point晚餐，请我到他PGP的住处吃他自己做的饭，他两次从家里面回来都给我带T-shirt，一件Bangladesh tiger的，一件有很多Bangoli文字的，他买了笔记本电脑让我去帮他看网络...... 他的生活，到现在3年多一点的时间里，也经历了不小的变化（我自己却没什么不同）。从他父亲的去世（当时我第一批被通知，我知道他对他父亲的感情很深，email里面那些苍白的话也根本没办法安慰他），NUS拿到硕士毕业，和Nadia结婚，在日内瓦一边做医生一边拿到了博士学位。即使如此，他给人的感 觉还是那么温和，我希望自己也能如此。(We kept infrequent contact since we first met till now, this let me think of one Chinese saying "the friendship of gentleman is as clear as water (君子之交淡如水)" (while the friendship of villain is as sweet as honey). I mentioned my girlfiend was still in Shanghai (at that time), and he said, "I'm 30, and I don't even have one". He went back home frequently to see his parents, showing them photos we took together. He invited Lin Dan and me for dinner in Jurong Point, asked me to his PGP apartment to taste his cooking skill, brought T-shirt for me two times after coming back from Bangladesh (one with a Bangladeshi tiger, another with many Bangoli calligraphy), asked me to help setting up the network after he bought a new laptop, etc... His life, changed a lot within 3 years (while mine is almost the same as it was). From the passing of his father (I was told immidiately after that, and I knew my words in the mail intended to comfort him was too plain in front of his deep feelings of his farther), graduating as master of medicine from NUS, being married to Nadia, to being a doctor in Geneva hosiptal and finally getting the Doctor degree. Even though, he still remains so warm and gentle. I hope I could be like this myself.)

7月5号他早上做完手术以后就匆匆跑到机场来接我，他说“it's so funny to see PanYu here”。看着他和Nadia在认真地讨论要点什么做午饭，我想说“it's so funny for you to complain u didn't have a girlfriend three years ago”。一件NUS百年校庆的T-shirt和一个中国旗袍式的小手机袋，他和Nadia能刚好各取所需，我真的非常开心。我还打探到，他们不久之后就 会有小baby了，哈哈。明天就是星期天，照相机充好电，帮他们一起多照些像。(On July 5th, he rushed to the airport after doing an operation to see me, he said "it's so funny to see Pan Yu here". Looking at him and Nadia discussing seriously what to order for lunch, I would like to say "it's so funny for you to complain u didn't have a girlfriend three years ago". A NUS centenial T-shirt and a little Chinese craft, I was really happy that he and Nadia both found what they wanted. Whatsmore, I was told they are expecting a baby this December, haha. Tomorrow is Sunday, camera fully charged, I'll take a lot of pictures with them.)

不过，我更加盼望的是，不久之后的某一天，我，或者他能再次地说：“hey, it's so funny to see you here”。(However, what I am looking forward more is, one day not long from now, I or he will tell "hey, dude, it's so funny to see you here".)

重拾

张振杰转给同在NUS Ph.D.的同学的。看到研究蚂蚁的行为，仿佛看到了很小时候的自己，不知道有多少男孩子有过类似的经历。不同之处在于，我曾经的自信没有达到自负，而正因为这点，我对高中以前的应试教育还颇怀有好感，而我的高考并没有完全的失败。这种对从前的留恋造成的对制度的不完全决裂，或许就是自己现在漂浮心境的根源。大学的时候同样的痛恨照本宣科的课程，理想中有着自由思想和处处是天才的名校，现实中仅仅只是一个教书而非育人的灰灰的地方。自己努力过，但却没有能 够始终坚持。

在这里贴出来，希望能和大家一起共勉。如果一生不能为理想而奋斗，自己将永远不能安宁。

清华梦的粉碎—写给清华大学的退学申请 2005.9.22

alva的背影

Sight of Alva's back

6月30 号的晚上，我和Alva拿着各自的行李来 到障宜机场，和平常不同的是，这次既不是我送她，也不是她送我。我11点多的飞机去瑞士，而她是凌晨1点多飞机回上海，而后去西藏。摆弄头天才到手的 D70s，虽然不会用，可也是东拍拍，西拍拍，反正有自动档。照片里面的Alva正在排队拿登机牌，前面的人好慢，而我又不能进去陪她。看着这个背影，似乎已经颇有了一些去旅行的打扮--束起的马尾辫，腰间的挎兜，垂肩的相机包和精干的钓鱼裤（很多口袋，哈哈），不免有些羡慕之情。这是我D70s的第一张 满意的照片 :-D

这个晚上还是很戏剧化的，其实这个时候因为我的飞机在伦敦专机而我又没有该死的英国transit Visa已经推迟到了7月5号了。一个人去瑞士，习惯了有Alva为伴的生活，心里面不免有些伤感，推迟了5天，至少能送Alva上飞机，所以对我来说并不算坏。Alva拿到登机牌之后，我们在旁边的咖啡店里面坐到11点半。看着她出境，直到看不到，才匆匆推着行李去赶最后一班地铁。地铁开出机场，到达 interchange就不再往前了。出租车上面司机为我transit Visa的事情愤愤，我只是抱怨一下，借此摆脱有些失落的情绪。

Somewhere in time

7月底，拿到相机里Alva在西藏的照片。其中的这张，第一眼看到就整整看了10分钟。我在想，Alva当时身处其中会是什么样的感受呢？如果有天堂，那么下面的那条公路就是通往天堂的路吧。下次，Alva再回到那里的时候，我会站在她的身边。

工作 vs. 旅游

我的生活并不是平衡的很好，往往是想起什么的时候就开始做什么。到瑞士已经2个半月了，本来希望工作进行的一切顺利的话，到现在这个时候已经差不多可以放 假到处游玩了，不过事实并不是这个样子。从一开始到这边每天下午坐在炎热的办公室里面一边打瞌睡，一边还要假装努力的搜paper找问题，第一个月（从7 月6号到24号去意大利）可以说是一事无成，甚至连把问题缩小化的工作都没有完成。接下来从意大利带回来的腹泻又闹了一个多星期。8月份的时候压力特别 大，感觉一切都浮在空中，中间终于在旷了一个星期工以后给家里面打电话诉说了一把，在爸爸妈妈的支持和开导下，重新又有了些动力，之后在9月初的时候，终 于想到用笨笨的线性规划把问题描述了出来。现在一切都在进行中，虽然速度缓慢，不过每天都会有一点结果出来，和Laura有话可谈。

旅游的计划现在不敢奢求，我的申根签证早已过期（本来意大利就只给了20天），只希望能把洛桑能去能了解的地方都去过，去日内瓦和Raza聚一聚（他刚刚交了PhD Thesis），有机会再能到阿尔卑斯山的某处看看草地，就满足了。少了很多奢求，心里简单了很多。

在这边的和在意大利的一些照片，会陆陆续续的整理上传到“一只疯猫”下面。由于某些奇怪的原因，IE并不能很好的显示（view source可以。。。），刚好给了我一个彻底抛弃IE的理由:-D

一个人出行

看过黄汇blog上的迷路记，颇为喷饭，同时回想起自己独自出行的经历，就写了点comment，慢慢补充。

迷路记：http://spaces.msn.com/members/huih/Blog/cns!1pc3OOZ3k7mqcb88e_-hmv6A!257.entry

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写的很有趣啊。一个人在异乡独自出行确实是不容易，迷路是常有的事情，还有就是怕碰到坏人。我到美国去的时候在城里走到比较偏远的地方最怕看见的就是黑人， 经常两个一群三个一伙的在路边闲逛，还有那些全部家当都在一辆小推车里面的街头流浪汉（通常会上来问你有没有change，我一开始还以为是找我换零钱，只差没说我只有100元的你要不要了）。出华盛顿长途汽车站时被外面聚集的一帮开黑车的（没有执照的出租车）缠到了，这些人有很多是战争里面的伤兵，退伍以后也不求上进，一心只想等政府救济，政府又一拖再拖，他们也就沦为了一群没钱没势力又没有生活目标的人了。和其中一个人聊了一会儿，给了他两块钱信息费，终于摆脱了。在纽约中央火车站的时候还遇到一个专门为别人开门的乞丐，我觉得他很有礼貌，就上去和他说话，他说不要钱，只要点吃的，我给他一包奥利奥的饼干他也只要了3块。

你是我的女朋友就好了

某一天，实验室，小艳和其他人在说话，我在编程。说到得意处，笑得很开心，样子可爱极了。突然间我却有一种很奇妙（可能是奇怪吧）的感觉，竟然在想“她是我的女朋友就好了”。每每以初识她那时的感觉去看，觉得认识她真是我的幸运。小艳，是世界上最可爱的人吧。