An international face...

开始说是刘德华（香港人），被班主任起名Andy；胖的时候说像夏添（高中同学，圆圆脸）；后来留了点小胡子变成尼古拉斯凯奇（美国人）和周总理（从前的人）；胡子刮了变成木村拓哉（日本人）；在任何国家的入关口都会被拦下来检查因为有胡子像中东人；在自己国家出关时又被当成日本人；还有人说眼睛颜色浅像越南人。天哪，从小到大，我的变化有那么大吗？像某个明星还可以沾沾自喜一下，可是到出入关的时候就咯儿屁了，难道那些人从来不看电影吗？

A bug

A stupid bug in my program:

vector <> content;
vector <> cp_array; // content pointer array

Constructing content and cp_array at the same time, using cp_array[x] = &content[y]. Later I found some pointers in cp_array didn't point to the correct content element. I doubted the logic of my program first, and then looked for all pointer assignments, but all seemed to be correct. After step by step debugging and printing intermediate array values (damn, it's hard to debug stl using gdb even though none optimizations were switched on), I found the content cp_array pointed to changed after a content.push_back(a), it is the push_back operation that caused content to reallocate memory and then what cp_array pointed to was nullified because the address of content vector was changed.

What I've learned: Do not use pointers on dynamically allocatable content, use indices instead.

Local idioms

HH came to Singapore for a business trip some time ago, and asked a few of us to hang around a bit. While on the taxi, he raised a question about a word he saw a lot on/beside the road -- "ERP" which stands for the business he works in (Enterprise Resource Planning) but certainly was out of context. The taxi driver laughed while we frowned. "It tells you need to pay for driving on that road. It says, Everyday Robbing People!". We all fainted... To continue the stunning effect, he further asked "You know what GST is? You pay more when you buy things, then the Government Say Thank you!".

footnote:
ERP - Electronic Road Pricing
GST - Goods and Service Tax

Get fonts right in pdf formated papers

I was struggling with font problem in my paper these days, and finally got done with it. I use winedt/MikTex companions under windows XP since 3-4 years ago. And PowerPoint for the figures, since I can directly print to pdf-printer (feature of acrobat) to get pdf figures nowadays. All these tools works efficiently. However, they didn't comply with ACM's strict requirement of fonts in publications, which restricts to the use of "type 1" and "embedded" fonts ONLY. Now, I have two problems. First one, I always have "truetype" font in my figures, since I don't have any "type 1" font installed on my windows. Second one, there are several "type 1" fonts cannot be embedded, such as "times", "courier" and etc.

================================================================

For the first problem, I need to install and use the "type 1" font corresponding to the "truetype" font I used in PowerPoint, so that the pdf figures generated contain "type 1". The free way of getting "type 1" font is to convert from existing truetype font (under \WINDOWS\Fonts). There are two ways of doing this:

First, use fft2pt1 (truetype to type 1 converter) to convert the truetype font (from a .fft file to a .pfb file and a .afm file), then use afm2pfm to convert the .afm to a .pfm file that windows recognizes, and finally drag the .pfm file to \WINDOWS\Fonts folder to get it installed. Note that if you're NOT using windows XP or 2000, you need to install Adobe Type Manager (ATM) to install the type 1 font. For now, if you're lucky, you can see and use the type 1 font in the PowerPoint font box (I cannot for some reason I don't know).

The second way to do this is to use FontLab (a commercial software) to generate the type 1 font. Just open the .ttf font, go to File->Font Info to give it a different font name (first page), go to File->Generate font, and choose to generate the "type 1 binary file (*.pfb)". Then install the font by dragging the .pfm file to \WINDOWS\Fonts folder. I managed to see the font in PowerPoint using this second method.

In PowerPoint, substitute all the fonts with the type 1 fonts you generated. When printing to the pdf printer, make sure to set the options of pdf printer to embed all the fonts (for my case, under "conversion settings->fonts->embedding" and add all the fonts to the "always embed" list). When the pdf file is produced, open it with acrobat, press CTRL+D to see the fonts. Most likely, you'll have all the fonts embedded.

An exception may occur if you use a non-English version of PowerPoint. For me, Chinese version. The default font is Sim-Sun. Some times, even all the places you can touch is set to non Sim-Sun font, it will still be included in the pdf file. In this case, open a new PowerPoint file, copy and paste you figure part by part to the new file. Produce a pdf file and check the font to see where Sim-Sun is introduced, and then try to modify or remove them. For me, I found starting spaces (by accident) introduces Sim-Sun, so I removed them.

==================================================================

For the second problem, the cannot-be-embedded fonts are from the text compiled with pdflatex, which are assumed (by whom?) to be available on all systems (but not true), and referred as Base14 fonts.

To embed them, the simplest way is to install the latest version of MikTex (2.5) and ensure the pdfeTex version is above 1.20. By default, Base14 fonts are embedded. If you're using Tex system under Linux, similarly you need to ensure the pdfeTex (or pdfTex, or pdflatex) is above version 1.20. And then edit "/web2c/updmap.cfg" to ensure the following options is set to true: pdftexDownloadBase14, dvipdfmDownloadBase14. Finally, run updmap as root to update the configuration.

Another way of doing this is save your pdf document with the not-yet-embedded fonts as a PS file, using "save as..." in acrobat. Then use the command "ps2pdf14 -dPDFSETTINGS=/prepress -dEmbedAllFonts=true mydoc.ps" to generate the pdf file with fonts embedded.

I compared the results of the above two approaches, i.e., the direct pdflatex generating approach and the pdf->ps->pdf approach. It seems to me that the former approach is better in the following aspects. It includes less redundant fonts, so the file size is smaller. The graphs looks more original, and scrolls faster especially when complex patterns are used (pdf->ps->pdf approach converts 2 times, and may introduce some distortions and more fragments to the vector graph, thus show up slowly).

We're done.

Tips

Do not try to compile a large program not compatible with your current version of gcc, instead, compile a version of gcc compatible with the program, and then use the gcc to compile it. (however, newest gcc does not even compile the old versions. In this case, compile a not-that-old version which compiles the old version to compile the old version. What a mess!)

Installing Fedora Core 6 on VMWare 5.5

Since the up-to-date VMWare still doesn't support FC linux officially, you need to pay some effort installing and configuring FC6. I assume the readers have successful installation experience of other linux under VMware before, so only key points related to FC6 installation will be addressed.

1. Create a VM:
Open VM's "New Virtual Machine Wizard", make sure you choose the following options: "Custom" -> New - Workstation 5 -> "Other Linux with 2.6.x kernel" -> ... -> LSI Logic (for SCSI Adaptor) -> ... -> SCSI (recommended).

The above options will make sure FC6 installation wizard find your virtual disk properly.

2. Install VMWare Tools:
Make sure you have kernel-devel corresponding your running kernel installed, which provides the kernel headers needed by VMWare Tools. By default, you need to download and install kernel-devel by yourself. Note that the version of kernel-devel must match your running kernel exactly (for example, "2.6.18-1.2798.fc6xen.i686" does not match with "2.6.18-1.2798.fc6.i686), so if you cannot find a kernel-devel matches the kernel, you need to install a kernel that matches the kernel-devel. I don't recommend using yum to update the kernel and kernel-devel, because they don't always match (and you may not be able to find a co-existing pair). So we go the traditional rpm way.

To check your current running kernel, use "uname -r".

To download kernel-devel, goto "http://fedora.redhat.com/download/mirrors.html", find a mirror site close to your place, and download the rpm package of kernel-devel. For example, I would go to "ftp://ftp.oss.eznetsols.org/linux/fedora/6/i386/os/Fedora/RPMS/" in Singapore, and download "kernel-devel-2.6.18-1.2798.fc6.i686.rpm", and install it by "rpm -ivh kernel-devel-2.6.18-1.2798.fc6.i686.rpm".

You may need to download and install the kernel matches the kernel-devel as well. Similarly, download kernel-2.6.18-1.2798.fc6.i686.rpm and install it. Then reboot your linux. Stroke "enter" at boot up to choose the newly installed kernel. Or you can modify the grub configuration file "/etc/grub.conf", change the "default=" parameter (0 for the first kernel, 1 for the second kernel) for the new kernel.

Now you can locate the kernel headers under, for example, /usr/src/kernels/2.6.18-1.2798.fc6-i686/include.

Then mount your VMWare Tools iso, and run "vmware-install.pl". Key in the above kernel headers when asked. You should be able to install it successfully now.

3. Configure resolution of your X.
Edit "/etc/X11/xorg.conf" with root. Add the following section at the beginning of the file.

Section "Monitor"
Identifier "vmware"
HorizSync 1.0 - 10000.0
VertRefresh 1.0 - 10000.0
EndSection

Add a line "DefaultDepth 24" after "Mornitor "vmware"" line in "Screen" section (assuming you have a OK graphic card). Then change the "Modes" line under Depth 24 to your desired resolution. For example "Modes 1280x800". Then startX.

Reference
http://www.thoughtpolice.co.uk/vmware/howto/fedora-core-6-vmware-tools-install.html
http://www.linuxquestions.org/questions/showthread.php?t=503651
http://www.lowlevel.cz/log/pivot/entry.php?id=80

My Must-have Firefox Addons

As a IT guy, switching among different OS and migrating from systems to systems (e.g., my desktop and a few of my laptops) is not uncommon. Whenever this happens, the first thing I would make sure is the up-to-date Firefox is installed with the following must-have addons:

1. Del.icio.us Bookmarks: for online bookmarking service, sharing bookmark links with others or myself (so that i don't need to synchronize the bookmarks from 3, 4 computers I use).
2. GUtil: grants me instant access to various google services I'm using (i.e., gmail, reader, docs, calendar, blogger, album) with button click.
3. ScrapBook: great substitution for "save page as..." function, which allows you to capture (and capture certain parts), organize, comment and edit on interesting web pages. The only problem is that it's not an online thing, and you need to export/import among different systems you have.
4. Google Toolbar for Firefox: this is actually with Firefox package, but I remind you to click on the "G" icon with the downward arrow, you will find it's not only for googling (i.g., I need Webster for English words that doesn't recognize me).
5. Session Manager: resume the tabs I was reading last time after restarting Firefox.
6. FireFTP: for lazy guys.

如何在3.10OE-A下使用USB连接电脑玩ISO游戏

相信我们每个人都有一个巨大的ISO游戏库，而现在最大的棒子也只有4GB，而且价格不菲。所以有人提出了用USB连接电 脑，直接读取电脑上存放的ISO来游戏的概念。这篇文章就是介绍怎样在3.10OE-A系统下面实现用USB->ISO来玩游戏的。DH可能自带这 样的功能，由于我自己已经不用DH了，还希望达人补全。最后说明一下，使用自治软件，特别是写入固件（第2步）有可能损坏你的PSP系统，想要尝试的人必须有视死如归的精神，坏了我不承担任何责任，这也是自治软件社群的潜规则了。

本文参考了以下网页，特此感谢
http://psp3d.com/member-news/133 ... wares-released.html
http://www.hoodong.com/entrygroupview.do?doc_id=200000813384
http://forums.afterdawn.com/thread_view.cfm/454995

首先准备以下工具：
工具1. [USB Mod v4b For 3.10 OE-A]: 含有PSP端插件的工具包，用来与PC通信，以及切换USB->ISO状态还是普通ISO状态。
工具2. [usbhostfs_PC_Win_1.5]: PC端的USB通信服务器程序。
工具3. [libusb-win32-device-bin-0.1.10.1]: PSP设备驱动信息提取程序。
工具4. 如果是TA-082主板降级的机器，还需要[TA082_USB_Fix]来修复固件里面的错误信息，这样工具3才能提取正确的信息。


下面是具体步骤：
1. 解压工具1，把MS_ROOT/seplugins里usbhostfs.prx，buzzusbvsh.prx和buzzusb.txt复制到"psp 根目录/seplugins"。如果"PSP根目录/seplugins"下没有game.txt和vsh.txt，那这两个文件也复制过来。如果已经存 在，则把工具1中2个txt文件的内容复制追加到已存在的2个txt文件中。
2. 关闭psp，按住R键开机进入恢复模式。在plugin选项中激活(enable)所有与usbhostfs和buzzusbvsh的插件。退出 plugin选项，选择Advanced->toggle USB (flash0)，之后把工具1中Flash0/kn/vshctrl.prx和systemctrl.prx复制到PSP的kn目录（先备份），覆盖原 文件。退出 恢复模式。重启以后就能通过长按"口"键切换普通ISO模式（原来的模式）和USB->ISO模式了。不过现在USB->ISO模式里还不会 出现PC端的游戏，所以我们还需要安装PC端的服务器程序。
3. 解压工具2，复制PC上的游戏psp文件到解压后目录的ISO文件夹中（其实只要保证游戏iso文件在usbhostsf.exe程序所在目录的ISO子 文件夹中就可以了）。复制cygusb0.dll和cygwin1.dll至 C:\windows\system32中。这样运行usbhostsf.exe，服务器端就算是设置好了。不过现在PSP的驱动程序还没有安装（不是平 常识别为存储设备的那个驱动），所以还不能连接。
4. 接下来需要用工具3提取并安装PSP驱动程序。先启动PSP，这时windows会跳出检测到新硬件的对话框，暂时不必理会。解压工具3，运行bin\ inf-wizard.exe，选择next，会出现一个已连接USB设备的列表。通过开关psp来确定哪一项是psp对应的设备(需要back再 next来刷新列表)，之后选择此设备，next, next，把导出文件以默认文件名"your_file.inf"存至工具2的driver目录中。最后，关闭再打开psp，根据windows新硬件向 导，选择工具2的driver目录来安装刚才导出的psp驱动了。安装完毕后，再接入psp的时候就不会跳出新硬件的对话框了。
5. 所有准备完毕。最后，运行usbhostfs.exe（工具2），出现一个dos窗口。连接并打开psp，长按"口"键切换到USB->ISO模 式，如果dos窗口中显示"connected to device"，那么恭喜你，你可以运行在PC上的iso游戏了。

6. 如果你用的是TA-082主 板的psp，psp的驱动信息并不能被正确的提取。这 时需要使用工具4来修复psp的固件，之后再提取驱动信息。解压工具4，把MS_ROOT里面内容复制到psp根目录（确保043.bin在psp根目 录）。在psp里运行UsbHostfs-Fix程序，全部显示successful之后重启psp。之后跳到步骤4制作驱动。后面相同。

=============================================================

问题1：安装工具2之后，我怎么辨别切换到了USB->ISO模式还是普通ISO模式？
回 答： 按住"口"键之后，psp上面读盘的指示灯会闪烁一会儿，这个说明正在切换模式。之后记忆棒中的游戏图标可能并没有刷新，需要进入“游戏存档”，然后退 出，之后就刷新了。如果刷新之后显示的是原来棒子里面的游戏，就是出于普通ISO模式，如果显示了硬盘上面的iso游戏，就是进入了USB-> ISO模式。如果什么游戏都没有显示，那是处于USB->ISO模式，这个时候，如果usbhostsf.exe的dos窗口中显示 "connected to device"，那么是因为iso游戏放置的文件夹没有设对；如果dos窗口没有显示，就是psp驱动的问题了。

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你可以用google搜索，或者到http://www.cngba.com/thread-16648557-1-1.html下载以下工具（须注册为cngba会员）：
USB_Mod_v4b_For_3.10_OE-A_For_PSP.zip
usbhostfs_PC_Win_1.5.rar
libusb-win32-device-bin-0.1.10.1.rar
TA082_USB_Fix.rar

Directional magnetic recharging

Daydreaming in the restroom just now, I was thinking how wonderful this world has become because of the discovery of electrocity. Electrical power captivated inside small batteries enables countless portable and handy applications, yet charging batteries frequently is really a headache and more and more becomes a bottleneck for all portable devices. I was wondering if there is any way to make recharging easier... here comes the idea. As we all know, electric power and magnetic power are interchangable. While electrocity conduction usually needs solid/liquid media like copper wire, the conduction of magnetic power can be done in the thin air. According to this simple fact, one can construct a pair of transmitter-reciever devices to transmit power from the power grid to charge the consumer device. The transmitter connected to the power grid convert electric power into a highly directional and focused magnetic beam, and the reciever obsorbs the magnetic beam entirely and convert it back to e-power to charge the device battery. Apparently one prerequisit needs to be kept: there mustn't be any living obstacles between the transimitter and reciever, to avoid harmful effects due to human body exposed to strong magnetic field.

Imagine a fuel free country with wirelessly rechargable transportations. Think of recharging recharging ur laptop on a bus, in ur car, etc. How amazing things would be.

Sth about IP

An Integer Programming without a objective function is a decision problem, instead of an optimization problem. Although the computational complexity is the same for both of them, decision problem is faster to solve, for it only requires one feasible solution (rather than the optimal one). In case an optimal solution is not neccesary, and bounds are given for a feasible one, such formulation is helpful.

Being science

Is the thrill gone?

Problems

The number of ways of solving problems are far greater than the number of existing problems.

A new Shanghai

在新加坡到上海的飞机上阅览报纸，看到新加坡正在评估投票sentosa的几个开发方案，无论采用哪个方案，sentosa都会在2、3年之后变成一个完全不一样的地区性的旅游度假胜地。变化和发展令人兴奋，光是在脑袋里面憧憬一番都感到迫不及待了。在另外一份飞机上的杂志上面，看到了新建成的上海南客站的文章，一张色彩鲜艳的夜景图中南客站现代式的建筑和前面宽阔的绿地通道让人眼前一亮，几年前上海人还把北客站称作“新客站”，不知道南客站会咋叫呢？

其实首先让我感觉到变化的是东航的服务。和Thai，Silkair，UA，BA，AirItaly，还有以前的东航相比，现在东航的空中服务让人有一种由内向外的愉悦感。通常的空中小姐/先生们面带一种可以称之为“刹那间的微笑”，在面向旅客的时候发生，转开时消失，很Cool哦。这次东航的感觉却让人真正的觉得亲切，空中小姐经常和旅客交流，甚至闲聊，让人觉得她们喜欢自己的工作，而非仅仅当作是一些routing job。客舱广播里面经常会说一句话 “if you need anything, plz don't hesitate to call us, we are very glad to serve you”，一个“don't hesitate”，便可以让旅客们的心情放松下来，即使长途旅行的滋味不好受，也可以把旅途当成享受了。

空闲的19号去了3个地方，南站，莱弗士广场和复旦。南站当然已经不是过去老火车站那样拥挤杂乱的景象了，3层立体的设计和宽大的空间让站内变得井然有序，已经是一个很舒适的地方了。印象最深的是各处的方向指示牌，想当年我对新加坡机场（世界上最好的机场之一）最推崇的一点就是指示牌得清晰和全面性，现在在南站也看到了。指示牌方便体贴的价值远远超过了其设计和安放所需要的成本和空间，好的指示牌也能够给人好的服务的印象的。南站外面的空间并没有想象中的那么大，旁边的高架路也限制了视野，而且铁轨也没有像美国一些大城市火车站那样设置在地下，让人稍微有点失望。

复旦的变化就太大了。整条邯郸路扩宽了一倍不止，西门的位置变到了行政楼那里，标志性大楼虽然在照片上面看过，不过在整个校园平坦的地势上未免显得太过于突兀了。以前曾经的老宿舍8号楼经过翻新以后已然成了研究生院，曾经的美味天堂臭水沟和四合院已经不复存在。从国定路口到五角场的一段已经变成了宽阔的马路，两旁的小店都变成人行道了。轻专的地盘变成了占地面积巨大的新闻学院，再里面一些地方也在修建新的建筑，这样的浩大工程，让人惊喜，同时也疑惑到：真的需要那样大的地方么？五角场也面目全非了，以前卖盗版运动鞋，盗版光盘和那些廉价的小饭馆，现在都到什么地方去了呢？

回程去浦东机场的路上去坐磁悬浮列车，1分钟加速到200公里时速的时候，已经觉得是在飞驰了，直到431全速，完全看不清外面的世界了。一直盯着窗外看，突然间听到“嘣”的一声，空气的震动透过车窗的玻璃弹到脸上，另外一条轨道上面相向而行的列车只一闪便消失了，车内一群老外惊叫而后欢呼，他们一定在想 “上海怎么TMD这么牛X啊？”。

机场安检和duty free区，2次小姐上来就和我说一大串日文，还说的特标准，搞得我乱死了，居然用英文回答他们说我不是日本人，之后她们又开始说英文。。。事后我决定以后先用英文问她们会不会说韩语，等她们说完之后我再说我是中东的，只是想测试下她们的外语，然后要求他们说以色列语……

对于我这个阔别上海之有3年的人来说，这个城市已经变得有点Ve宁得了。以前的人说“雕栏玉器应犹在，只是朱颜改”，没想到现在我的朱颜还没怎么改，雕栏玉器就byebye了。这个世界，已经如此dynamic，如此的不同了。

DJ's Wedding & All about FRIENDS

DJ是我大学时候的班长，我的好友。我们的友谊并没有建立在频繁的来往之上，甚至可以说我们生活在截然不同的两种状态中，不过却是真正关心对方的朋友。DJ的婚礼其实在一年多以前就已经差不多定下来了，当时我对自己毕业的问题还比较乐观，所以答应一定去参加。一年之后，前段时间自己心神不宁，便开始犹豫到底能不能去，家里也希望我早点写完论文，叫我邮寄礼物就可以了。时近10月，强烈的思想斗争变成了一个晚上DJ的托梦，第二天挂上Offline已久的MSN，竟然发现DJ的nick改成了“请潘宇同学和我联系”。看到这个nick的时候，险些牛下了眼内，如果不能去参加最好的朋友的婚礼，不敢想象自己会错过了什么。

15号昆明到新加坡，18号晚上10点多到上海，DJ开着他的新买的“别摸我”来接我，just like old times。20号的婚礼上，我意外的接到了小余（DJ太太）的大花球，原来是他们要我6个月之内“搞定”，多么艰巨的任务啊。

18号晚上住到伟哥家，豪华的单身公寓，免费无线网络连接，无限酒水，不过呢，就是乱了点，还要和伟哥挤一张1.5人床，献出我的第X次同性同床。半夜1点多问伟哥借照相机，他说，没有，之后紧接着说，要不我明天去买一个，我吐血；然后他说，要不你去买，我报销，我说没带钱，他说我现在下去取，我又吐血；后来第二天早上他9点多签证办完回来，我们果然去徐家汇买了个照相机（T10），之后就交给我进行长达2天的专业试机了。

19号晚上我们4个室友到淮海路晚餐，阿杰研究生刚毕业一年，虽然在一家大的半导体公司工作，不过还是和以前一样文静。室友当中，阿杰是和我性格最接近的，也是我曾经希望成为推心置腹的好朋友的人，不过事实证明2个人都内向，要做到这点还是比较困难，当然我们都知道，默默的，we care about each other。后来突然想起以前常常在一起happy的师兄“大头”，ZZ立马打了电话给他，叫他出来玩。电话通了，ZZ突然啊了一声，说大头在温州，之后又啊了一声，说他晚上晚点过来。当时已经将近8点，温州坐车到上海至少7、8个钟头，我们说他难道要坐飞机过来？到10点多我们跑到新天地喝60块钱一杯的矿泉水（其实没有喝这个，喝了70块的长岛冰茶-_-b）的时候，大头打电话来说他已经到浦东机场了。12点钟在旁边小店里面吃小龙虾的时候，终于等到了3年未见面的大头，头好像比以前更大了…… DJ在大头前面也加入了我们，6个人围坐在一桌，街边的小店2楼站起来顶到头的小阁楼里面，仿佛一切又回到了4年前大学的快乐时光。纵使如今他们已经在社会和事业上有了不小的发展和变化，而我还生活在宁静的校园，but something is always the same。

20号DJ的婚礼终于圆满完成了，客人都告辞之后，DJ环视了一下刚才还热闹的宴席厅，说道，“留到最后的都是同学”，后来在准“洞房”里面对他们的爸爸妈妈们说“这些都是我最好的朋友”。

告辞之前DJ和小余的爸爸妈妈都感谢我来参加他们的婚礼，我在长辈面前不善言辞，只是说我们是好朋友。其实，他们才是我需要感谢的人，感谢DJ托梦给我，感谢他在网上找我，让我体会到FRIENDS这个词的意义，让我看到和分享到，friends们的快乐。

Curiosity, Screwing up and Detachment

就像Matrix reloaded里Oracle所说：Everything that has a beginning has an end。在与WoW接触的一年半时间里，自己为这个虚拟的世界放弃和失去了很多，甚至几度消沉和绝望。在一种放下与不放之间反复挣扎，快乐着却不能彻底的快乐，堕落着却又不能彻底的堕落。现实中自己内心多年以来积累的大量的问题，被这个迷人的世界彻彻底底的引发了，暴露了出来，借助这个似乎与世隔绝的世界冲淡，逃避和暂时的消解这些顽固的负面情绪。从前高中的时候很疑惑自己究竟想要什么，那时的优秀并没有让心灵有一种平静的感觉，一直缺失的东西常常让自己怀疑所谓的“优秀”的意义；也常在想，如果有一天我搞砸了，会是怎样？事隔7、8年之后，我真的把事情搞砸了，从不怎么砸，到真的很砸。似乎在我的潜意识中，就是想要把自己彻底的否定，看看到底能够坏到什么程度。所以，在焦虑，恐惧的同时，还带有一些不在乎。逐渐的，终于把自己的工作，我和周围的几乎所有人的关系，搞得一团糟，甚至包括小艳和父母。现在的我，或许已经到了有些走投无路的地步了，也终于经历到了“搞砸了”的滋味，经历着人生中最消沉的时期。于是，也实现了多年以前的一个设想，就是现在这个样子:-)。这是一种很怪异的矛盾心理：去尝试全新的经历，即使是一种痛苦的极力避免经历。当然，现在这个样子并不是我想要的生活，所以我必须离开现在的这种状态。

Morrie说: Detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the Contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it. 我想，正是由于从前没有经历过失败和消沉，却又好奇这种经历，所以自己才会冒险，甚至放手去让事情搞砸。在彻底的经历这段时间的消沉之后，虽然很多问题仍然没有答案，却可以感受到一个不同于以往的自己。还会让事情搞砸么？也许会，在不可避免的时候，不过不会故意去这样做了，因为我已经明白会发生什么，不再为这个而“好奇”了。是的，this thing is ended, and I'm glad I can finally detach from it.

Jeff Zhang

高中一次回家的路上和王英萍聊到流行歌，她对张信哲和张宇推崇之极。当时我只知道小虎队、范晓萱和Michael Jackson，对于纯粹卿卿我我，或者说比较露骨的情歌带有抵触情绪，像齐秦、周华健还有四大天王什么的统统不屑一顾。所以对于当时刚刚唱《雨一直下》的惺惺作态的张宇压根没有兴趣，甚至在心里面暗想：“我靠，怎么女生会喜欢这种歌手？”。不过对于张信哲，我却想起来家里面居然有一盘现成的随手从小二哥哥那里借来好几个月但是却从来没有听过的张信哲磁带《拥有》 ，翻出来，看到了《爱如潮水》，似乎在街边路过音像店的时候听到过，这才把张信哲和他的声音联系起来。不论歌词如何，《爱如潮水》悠扬的配乐加上张信哲含蓄圆润的声音演绎的带有一些悲情色彩“我再也不愿……”的高潮部分，在之前的某个时候我就隐隐约约的有些喜欢了。带着“终于找到了”（其实也没有刻意地去找）的窃喜，或者说是先入为主的好感，阿哲的歌声走入了俺的生活。

阿哲的歌虽然90%是不折不扣的情歌，歌词里面也不少“爱”字，不过阿哲的爱充满了温柔的伤感，含蓄而不张扬，笑脸中带着忧郁，这和青春期少年对爱情朦胧青涩的认识不谋而合。几首歌当中宁愿自己受苦，却强颜欢笑放飞祝福所爱的人的心情，和折磨人的单相思有着相似的意境。我不得不承认，自己性格当中的软弱和忧郁，很多是来自阿哲的这些温柔的折磨人的情歌。下面写几首印象最深的歌和MTV。（to be added: 《有了爱》，《我最爱的女人》，《我是真的》，《临别一眼》）。



刚才看到鲁豫和阿哲的“座谈”，谈到他如何成为一个歌手的历史。阿哲其实早先并没有想过自己会成为歌手，在唱诗班合唱团也只是觉得自己音乐方面“还不错”，而且直到大二的时候签约进入唱片公司以后，有很长时间（一年半）都是在打杂跑腿，完全是当作“勤工俭学”，还因为有了一份额外的收入感到“还不错”。89年的时候才有机会和潘越云合唱他的第一首歌（他说到录音的时候他爸去了，结果搞得他很尴尬，因为当着父亲唱情歌）。听到这些，才明白原来阿哲靠的是这样一种踏踏实实的态度才有了后来事业的成功。“情歌王子”说话常常也会不好意思地低头笑笑，回答问题的时候很认真，让你觉得他是你的朋友。他是一个平平常常的人，不过因为这个，他却不平常。

About my past, about 贾老师

贾老师曾经常挂在嘴边的一句话就是"将心比心"。很多自己不能一下子接受或者理解的事情，在设身处地的考虑的时候就会变得自然而然。贾老师非常懂得而且教育学生懂得尊重每一个人，她常说"大人有大人的自尊心，小孩也有小孩的自尊心"。她还教导我们对待他人要一视同仁，无论他曾经的表现如何。尽管我是那时是她班上最好的学生之一，但在犯错的时候，仍然被请过家长，罚过站。我也曾经不理解她的做法，曾经对她对我的惩罚而痛恨她，因为那时的我，甚至刚刚的我并不理解为什么她那么喜欢我却让我受罚。现在想来，她一直都是用一种严厉的爱来告诉告诉我们她的真理。

贾老师总是在班上说我们班的孩子"太纯了"，回想起来她也总是在我们面前说我们的好，而很少像其他有的老师那样说"看看某某班的某某"多出色之类的话。我们并不知道多少有关于"激烈的竞争"的说法，但每次考试或者是竞赛，我们班都有不错的结果，平均成绩也是比较好的。虽然有的时候贾老师也会抱怨一些同年级其他班主任的做法和不公平，但学生们也因此而知道自己是幸运的。班上一直实行著名的"一帮一，一对红"的做法，学习好的学生和学习不大好的学生坐在一起，我乐意帮助别人的性格就是那个时候培养起来的。六年的小学时光，我们生活在友爱的花园里面。而到了现在，自己很多理想化的想法和渴望单纯的性格仍然没有太大的变化。这种性格可能给自己带来很多的失望和压力，但是我相信简单且单纯的想法是我原来成功的一大因素，因为它能明确的告诉你哪些事情是对的，哪些是"the right things to do"。

Video taped talk introducing Fudan life

贰月底的时候作为volunteer给SoC的本科生介绍中国大学生活的一些情况。新加坡的大部分本科生似乎太愿意带在自己的国家了，虽然中国有10所最好的大学提供exchange的机会，甚至NUS提供资助和贷款，但申请的人还是很少，白白浪费了那么多的机会。如果外国大学在中国提供那么多机会，哪怕是印度，申请的学生也不会少。发展中国家更具有活力，人们反倒更加开放，学习的热忱反倒高，果然是"生于忧患，死于安乐"阿！Anyway, 下面是录像的讲话，对着摄像机旁边的script念的，拍出来有点傻，眼睛看着旁边有点像斜视。。。

I'm from Fudan University, so I'm gonna talk something about Fudan University. Fudan University is located in Shanghai, which is the economical heart of China and a very developed city just like singapore, so I bet everything you find here in singapore, you'll find it and more around Fudan, maybe except for Durain. The university is one of the best universities in China and is called "Yale in China" according to its international reputation, and is also one of the earliest universities in China, as you probably know, Fudan has celebrated its centinnial with NUS together last year. It has a beautiful campus, and you can find both old chinese style gardons with "xiao qiao liu shui" and modern style brand new university hall on campus.

The brightest part of student life in Fudan is the variety and quality of tens of special intrest clubs, for me I was in the chior which is the best student chior team in Shanghai, and I was in the comics club where we have weekly comics movie session and I borrowed lots of comics books from friends in the club, and I was in the modern dancing club for a very short while to perform a street dance on a dancing festival. Other clubs like calligraphy, orchestration, rock & roll bands, chess and weiqi/go, drama play and even English corner - somewhere you can have a show time and definately get everyone stuned... Food in and around Fudan is brilliant, you can find very original taste food from different schools like Sichuan, Yunnan around, and also western, korean, etc near the campus. There is a even a big Raffles city in central Shanghai opened by singaporean in case you miss singapore a lot, but I guess you won't. If you have time travelling around, you can go to a lot of famous places very easily and near Shanghai, like Hangzhou, Suzhou, Nanjing, HuangShan, YanDangShan, and et al. I think you will have more than enough fun there living in Fudan.

In terms of study, most computer science courses are taught in Chinese using chinese text books. This may be a challenge for you, but its just like it was a challenge for me when I first came here three years ago as a postgraduate student. Surpprisingly, I found it is very easy to relate chinese terminologies with english ones so I had no problem passing all the exams for the first semester. Besides, I think it's very interesting to know how Chinese and English terminologies are inter-translated, like database in chinese is called ShuJuKu. Some old professors like to teach with a old school blackboard style, and you will find it's really helpful to fully understand what is going on, compared to powerpoint slides. What I want to say here is, don't worry about Chinese, you already have it!

Another thing is, if you are worried about leaving home and get lonely etc, don't. The fact is, we have a whole international student department in Fudan, and most of them are from Korea and Japan, around 2/3 hundreds I guess, but you know, they don't speak good chinese and english, but singaporeans do. Chinese students in general are very interested in making foreigner friends, to know about different cultures and practise English. To be sure, after the lecturer introduced you to the class, you'll be queued after class.

The last thing, I think to go to China and know about China will be a good experience for you, as with time passing by, you will definitely meet more and more chinese people and such experience will closer the distance. Keep in touch with friends you made in Fudan, as later on, some of them will become important people, and can give you positive support on your own career. I wish some of you have been fired up and wish you a fruitful and happy stay in China!

My music store and storage

作为一个喜欢音乐的人，其实早就暗暗想要买一个了。虽然原先的sony CD/mp3 player还健在，不过携带起来很不方便，再加上原先的歌曲零散的放在好几张CD上面，有的甚至已经读不出来了，大有退休的趋势。当然，上面的是借口，真正的原因是，作为一个健康的男性，自己没有办法抗拒包含最新科技元素的小玩意儿，特别是一个set the standard的小玩意儿。 星期天和小艳出去逛街，借着将就做一个活动硬盘的目的（还是借口……）买下了她--最新的ipod video 30GB。

在FUNAN逛了一个大店和一个小店，小店便宜20块，小艳说，反正也不是很多，还是在大店买比较放心。小艳的直觉比较灵，另外发现自己最近做事情谨慎了许多，最后决定以一顿晚饭钱来加以补偿，结果出去逛街晚饭居然还是回家做了吃的（2袋饺子5块钱，外加西红柿卷心菜鸡蛋汤大概3块，还算比较省:-)）。

晚上开始充电完毕，遂开始摆弄。其间死机一回，按任何键都无反应，不能standby，想起以前徐熹的新手机因为类似问题烧掉重换了一个，突然觉得很郁闷。好在小艳不停的开导我，更年期情绪过去之后静下心来google了一下，发现可以通过按键组合来reboot。我这个对电子产品颇有天赋的人，败在了坏情绪上，值得检讨一下。后来使用的感觉都很pleasant，ipod video放电影效果确实很好，320x200的分辨率，甚至比以前的VCR和VCD还要好，在小屏幕上真是cristal clear。mp3 now playing可以显示专辑的artwork，刚好前段时间买了Gozillaz demon days的CD，压成mp3，再google了一张artwork，播放的时候就和上面右边的图一模一样了:-)。正因为pleasant，这两天逢人就show一下俺的ipod。Cool enough~

Self testing, true enough

Alva has mentioned this self testing about what is your scholastic strength some time before. Finding it today, I'm still quite supprised it contains only 5 short questions. Forget about the script doing the scoring, it's quite accurate for me, and for alva, for it's interesting to find that people are "suitable" to develop their scholastic strength from their hobbies, rather than works :-D Nonetheless, the qualitative description about "innovative" character of mine is true, it's in my BLOOD.

Your Scholastic Strength Is Innovating

You are the master of new ideas, techniques, and ways of looking at things. You are talented at structuring thoughts, decision making, clarifying, and making deadlines. You should major in: Marketing Psychology Desgin Cognitive Science Economics Photography

What Should You Major In?